this is gonna be a quickie...

One word for our house...drama. What has happened to us? It's quite depressing, actually. When I got home, Laura and I had a pretty serious conversation about landlord issue and I basically said I would try and take care of things. My thing is, since our land lord lives with us and she is (was??) my friend, I want to go about raising issues in as highly a diplomatic manner as I can. I need to do some more thinking on it and hopefully get the insight of our former landlord (who also used to live with us, but left for married life, and under who's guidance there were almost never any issues).

The hard/weird part is that our new landlord used to be fun and seemed to be relatively easy going and was always good for an in depth conversation, is now rarely, if ever, home. And she's supposed to be "in charge." The sad part is, she's turned into a bitch. *sigh* It's complicated...too complicated for words (which is frustrating cuz I need to get stuff off my chest and I can't when I can't articulate properly).

In other drama, Liz and I walked around dinkytown this afternoon looking for job postings. The sign my mom saw earlier was not for the bookstore, but the Needle Doctor (something to do with records?) next door, and they're closed on the weekends. I was so highly disappointed. But, Liz saw a sign on another shop...a guitar shop. And the job basically has her name written all over it. If I had more knowledge (and they weren't looking for someone for Fridays during the day), I'd be all over that. How fun. Alas, it seems it wasn't meant to be, but the guy behind the counter was cute...and I love acoustics. So, as far as jobs in the neighborhood go, no dice for me.

In yet more drama, I was doing my dishes before heading upstairs for the night while Liz talked on the phone with her boyfriend and some kind of shit went down. She wouldn't tell me too much of what went on, but it was enough to make her cry, which is frustrating for me to watch. I never know what to say to her about that stuff...which goes back to another post I wrote, so I won't go into it here.

My point is, drama drains the brain. And it sucks. I hate drama. I like my life drama free, thank you. Down with drama.

blechhhh....

Ufda!! Now there is a great Minnesota word. HA! It's been kind of hot lately. I hear its alot hotter other places, but here, with the intense humidity, I think it's absolutely miserable. It makes me grateful we have air conditioning at work and that I get to be there most of the day when I'm awake during the week. We don't have a/c at our house...a couple of my roommates have window units, but I don't. I don't mind toughing it out...we never had it at my parents' house, until they built a new one after I left (figures, huh? just kidding).

One of the great things about living in neighborhood near the university is the amount of boy watching it affords....I love observing people. Back to the topic at hand...

Even though it was so ridiculously hot this weekend, my mom and my sister came up on Saturday to hang out with me. They got to meet Brenna, one of the girls who's moving in in August. I think she'll be easy to live with...disappointing that she, too (along with everyone I know), has a boyfriend, but I'm looking forward to living with her. I made lunch for the three of us and then we decided to go watch a movie at a theater on the river front. I love it down there...pretty sure I could watch the water (any water) forever. After that, we went to a casino in one of the outer suburbs...we all lost, me almost $40, which was not, not, not a bright idea on my part whatsoever, but I'll deal. We got malts at Annie's and they went home. If anyone's ever in Minneapolis, you must go to Annie's. Best. Ice Cream. Ever. One of my roommates with a/c was out of town and had offered me respite in her room over the weekend, should I so desire it, so I took full advantage Sunday, lounging all day long on her futon, watching the first season of the O.C. and making a photo album (I finished the whole thing in one afternoon! 200 pictures and handwritten captions!!). It was quite exciting, but I don't think I've ever done that little in a day ever, that I can recall. It's kind of sickening if I think about it, but it was nice. And I did accomplish something.

So, I should have spent some time looking for a job. I've applied to a couple of places online, but I honestly don't think that's the way in which to go about really getting a job. I'm just too much of a lazy ass to figure out where some places I'd truly enjoy working would be that are close to where I live. My mom actually spotted a now hiring flier in the window of a book shop up the street from me which would probably be perfect. The thing is that it also said stop in from something like 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., which is precisely when I'm at my "real" job, except on Fridays, which is a bit away if I'm serious about looking into this job. I mean to walk down and take a look at the flier again, maybe go inside and talk to someone, but don't particularly want to. It'd help if I had someone to go with...maybe Liz tonight or tomorrow? Anyway, there aren't a ton of places within walking distance that are not food related, and I definitely do not wish to be in food service whatsoever, unless maybe in a coffee shop. I really loathe job hunting. And to have to do it when I already have a job really sucks. I need a bigger motivator than I really need the money...but what's a bigger motivator than that? I wish opportunities could come to me rather than me having to go to them....some magical solution to put just the right people in just the right places. It could be wonderful. And this city is so freaking big, I don't even know where to start or what's available, let alone what's off the beaten path, which would be more up my alley. Ugh...even if it were just a long list of shops that are looking for night and weekend people, it would be a huge help. Alas, I'm left to go get 'em. I just need to motivate and open my eyes. Be aware and keep reminding myself it's for my own good. Ufda....

just one of those days...

I’m tired and I’m hormonal, which can’t possibly lead to good things when, on the one week day in a blue moon that I get to sleep in, shortly after waking up, I receive a phone call from my landlord’s mother asking if I’ve paid rent for July yet.

In the interest of juggling my finances as best as I could, I’d opted to pay utilities for May and June (which had been posted simultaneously), rather than pay July rent and just May utils. Now, usually this isn’t a problem. My amazing landlord is blessedly flexible and knows that, as students or recent college grads, we’re still balancing things out. And it helped that she lived with us up until the middle of June.

When I get a call from Romy (landlord’s mom) asking for my rent and saying she only wants to make one stop to pick things up at the house, what do I do but start freaking out. I’ve closed my savings account and rolled the whole 66 cents that were left into my checking and there literally isn’t quite enough there for a rent check. And I’ve been accommodated so far and was in no mood to push limits. Shit! I suck at life. I can’t possibly ask my parents to borrow money because they’ve started asking when I can take over insurance payments for myself, which they shouldn’t even be covering in the first place. Luckily, my sister still owes me a couple months of cell phone payments. Thank God that will cover it for now.

I’m mad at myself for getting into this situation in the first place. I just can’t seem to manage my money quite rightly. I even recently got some “free” money from my school for an old paycheck I’d forgotten to cash. And I pissed it all away…on what??? Nothing I can remember. I had planned to open a new savings account up here to start saving for the future or something. Dammit!! Even before this happened, I decided that, starting last Saturday, I would be on a two week no-spending stretch to try and get myself in line. So I could pay crap like rent on time and send some money to my parents to stave off the bill collectors. I’m in kind of a different situation with my parents where, even if I asked my parents for money and they would be willing to give it to me, they might not be financially able, which means I really do have to be on my toes as much as possible, especially because God knows I DO NOT want to become a Liz. It’s frustrating because, clearly, part of the problem is me. I seem to spend any money I come in contact with that I know I won’t absolutely need to cover bills and such. A budget would probably be a good thing. I keep convincing myself that I’m responsible enough and don’t need one, but clearly, I’m not. If I go to a store knowing I’m only able to spend X amount, it will force me to really evaluate what I’m buying. And tracking would probably help me ascertain exactly how much I go out to eat and how I might be able to change eating habits. However, I’ve recently started poking around trying to find a second job, just to smooth things out for the next six months until I qualify for my raise. I’d like to think I could use the funds from a second job for fun while putting the entirety of my real paycheck toward bills, savings and my parents. It could be nice.

Now, it’s easy to point fingers and be mad at someone else when really I’m having to deal with a problem I created for myself. Having said that, I feel I wouldn’t have this problem if Ehlert would just pay me decently and I’m becoming increasingly pissed off at them about the whole situation!! It keeps boiling and boiling inside of me. I am a college graduate!!! Why should I be paid $9/hour for something I spent four years training for and that I do well!!! Why, when I moved from being an intern and was hired as an editorial assistant, did I not get a raise? Was it purely oversight? Am I of that little value that I might as well just be an intern? Am I being punished for being gone? This seems like the only logical explanation, yet is completely illogical. I want to scream and yell and cry about it. I haven’t yet, but if I could, I think it would feel so good. They say don’t make it personal, but this is a personal problem. It’s ridiculous that I’m working in my field and I can’t make ends meet. More ridiculous that I can’t get a raise until January, even though I’ve been working here for a year already now. I’m not expecting to become a millionaire doing this. I know it’s not what I signed up for and that’s fine with me. It would just be nice to not have to worry about paying for my own insurance or getting “where’s your rent” calls. To be financially stable. Is that really to much to ask for a young professional?? I know that by most standards, my life is not half bad at all. I am thankful for what I have, I’m just angry because I don’t feel that I’m getting what I deserve. When that raise finally does come through, I expect it to equal several thousand dollars more a year than I’m getting. I have worked for it.

Inevitably when I try and argue this out in my head, I get around to the “you don’t have it so bad, what are you complaining about? You just have to power through and deal with this for a little bit longer” phase. I don’t particularly like this phase, but it’s usually where the argument ends. I am perfectly capable of toughing it out for a while longer. I just need to get creative about spending and saving until the time comes.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there is still about an hour until any pages will be ready and I have absolutely zero motivation to do any actual work until then, a product of my wonderful morning phone call and that humidity, which is so thick I might as well be eating it.

seriously...

So, I have a jealousy complex. And it's getting out of hand. Especially when I'm inebriated.

Here's what usually happens: I or one of my other friends declares a girls night out. Fantastic...usually just what I need. We go to a bar or a club and proceed to soup ourselves up. Inevitably, some one spots an interesting group of guys to approach or an interesting group of guys approaches us and people get to talking. Now, I'm kind of a sit back and watch type of person...I like to let people talk and I'll interject a question when I think of one. The two friends that I most often go out and about with are very outgoing personalities, so (even though they're both attached) they aren't afraid to pepper new people with questions and do and say things to garner attention. So, they get attention. Okay, fair enough because they're going after it. But still, I almost always manage to get frustrated because I feel left out (my fault) or they're hogging all the attention, etc., etc. Then, usually on the way home, some kind of word vomit comes out of my mouth to the effect of, "You guys are so HOT, of course you get lots of attention." Which immediately sets off their fireworks about "what are you talking about" and "if you just had more confidence" blah, blah, blah. And I end up getting a HUGE lecture from one friend every time about how I need to change. And I try to explain to her that I don't really want to change, I mostly like the way I am and don't want to become somebody I'm not just to have an arm to hang on to for an evening. !!!!!!

So, I guess, in the end, I do wish my personality was more like theirs?? At the same time, I absolutely don't. When I first was contemplating this, I just wished I could stop the crap that comes out of my mouth on nights like those so I could avoid the lecture, but still pout (which I felt justified in doing...they're attached, I'm not, yet they get all the fun). But jealousy is an ugly emotion...I love these girls. Perhaps I just need to change my focus and make a point to enjoy myself no matter the circumstances...if something interesting happens, then it does. I can't really be mad at them for something I'm doing to myself. I don't particularly know how to change it right now, but I can at least adapt. Any suggestions?

things...

You know, it really puts a damper on blog motivation when I can't even do it on my own computer and instead have to use the one computer (among six portals) whose connection isn't being fickle, along with the rest of the roommates as theirs aren't working either. It's seriously a conspiracy because the same thing happened a month or so ago. *sigh* Seriously...

Anyway...my weekend/holiday was weird. I did a lot of stuff, but almost none of it was really exciting and the parts that were didn't last nearly long enough.

Thursday: the dr. (who was in my room for literally 60 seconds, tops, which is kind of freaky...are they really just after my money now??) says my poor little toe is finally good to go...I didn't believe him at first, but now I do and I am so incredibly happy about that. And I have excellent range of motion in my foot, so it looks good on that front too, I suppose. Ugh...now if I could just shake this limp thing...I'm working on it though...I think it's all in rolling the foot forward as you move, but hey, what do I know.
At home, I helped out with chores for the first time in probably more than a year and it felt nice. There were lots of babies and they were all so cute...calves are def. my favorite. Things are so simple/normal/easy there, it makes me wonder if I'm supposed to go back to the farm, but I don't think that's exactly what I'm supposed to do, at least not yet...prayers!
My 18 year old brother suggested Treasure Island (a casino) and somehow, he, my sister, my mom and I all went. Dumb as it sounds, at 23, I had yet to go to a casino to gamble, but I hit up the blackjack tables and came away with $40...not too shabby for my first time out and for putting in only $10. (Do we sense the beginning of a gambling addiction here?...we shall see).

Friday: I did absolutely nothing and it was nice...I almost wish that was the only thing I did all weekend. Did manage to do some reading outside in the sun and, of course, got sunburned, but it's gone tan, luckily.

Saturday: So, Plainview turned 150 and some people organized an all-school reunion. I probably wouldn't have gone, but MaryAnne convinced me to go. You know how you envision how situations might play out when you're anticipating something? Many scenarios ran through my mind leading up to this thing...most included either me publicly embarrassing myself or acting high and mighty since I actually got out of that place. Well, I interacted with zero of my classmates, so I had nothing to worry about. There were two people I graduated with there, but I only actually saw one and I wasn't about to go up and talk to him. Ha! I love how my true colors show. Anyway, there were excellent pancakes and sausages. And I got to meet MA's boyfriend, who doesn't talk a lot, but has a fantastically sarcastic sense of humor. We also carved butter...I suck at art, so I went for something abstract. MA made a rainbow in clouds and won a prize. The kids got a DQ coupon and we were stuck with an extra pound of butter...I was disappointed. We also watched a K-9 demo, which was interesting (but geez...is that as exciting of entertainment we can get?!?!) and made me remember how much I like dogs (sorry Lucky!).
One of my cousins had just returned from teaching in China for a year, so one of his sisters threw him a party that night. My mom wanted to go and no one wanted to go with her, so I volunteered myself. It was nice to chat with people for a bit, attempt and fail to interact with people my own age and resort to buzzedly bonding with my four-year-old second cousin. Twas fantastic.

Sunday: Church, as usual. For real, I do not know how people can stand to go to mass when the adult choir is singing because they are so unpleasant on the ears it really (I'm completely serious) ruins the whole thing for me. It's ridiculous. My mom made tacos for lunch and they were DELICIOUS!!! I love tacos. Trying to meet up with real friends from high school was a total pain because no one's schedule was really synchronized. Oh well...til Aug. 12th girls! It was nice chatting, though.

Monday: Had to work. It mostly sucked. Nuff said.
But, it was also the night before Liz's birthday, so her, her bf, Robert (our amazing DD) and I went to downtown Drink...where it was exceedingly crowded and we couldn't find a seat. I was tired and cranky and so was Liz cuz she'd just come back from vacay in Michigan, but we put a couple back. This girl at a table we were standing by even bought us both a shot of tequila, which was exceedingly nice of her. We got to watch the Twinks beat Kansas City, which was fun and exciting, but the crowd just grew after the game got out, so we went to the Loon and ate some apps and retired around 12 (12!!!).

Tuesday: Did absolutely nothing. It was amazing. Although I did manage to drag myself to Target to get Liz a present. They didn't have what I was looking for and I wasn't about to make another stop, so I settled for a kiddie cookbook, which should be right up her ally if she would cook, for once. Lounged all day watching movies. Tried to watch the fireworks from my house, but the darn trees were all in the way, so I didn't, which was fine...no one was around anyway.

Anyway, that's been my recent excitement. Def. need to be getting more sleep. And I like sleep, sleep is good, there's just never enough time for it. But hey, what's life if you don't throw some experiences into the mix?