bummer and other exclamations....
I had written up a nice post about my Friday evening antics when my computer decided to lose it's internet connection and not get it back before I had to take off again. Suffice it to say it was an interesting night. I love that we have bars within walking distance.
On a more serious note:
How do you convince a good friend that she's not supposed to be with the guy she's with? Does she have to come to this conclusion herself? How do you convince her that she deserves so much better; that there really is that someone better out there?
One of my good friends has been in relationship that's been drama from the beginning and this is two and a half years later. Granted, it's not all drama, but there's enough. Saturday, my friend came to the conclusion that her boy is an asshole. I've never really liked him. I've wanted to, for her sake, but to be truly honest, I never really have. He doesn't take any interest in the things or people she loves. Everything they do is on his terms, it seems. These are things that I've thought from the beginning of their relationship and they've only strengthened over time. He's given her a promise ring and she's recently told me she wants to be married within a year. In a way, she loves him, but is confused, and, I know on some level, she knows he doesn't treat her as well as she should be treated.
On Saturday, I tried to explain to her some of the things I've thought and remind her of examples of times he's treated her like dirt. Have I waited to long to do this? It's been two and a half years and now, all of a sudden, I'm coming out with it. She's sort of rebellious...hearing me and others say he really is a scumbag only makes her see the good things in him and want to be with him. By the time we were done talking Saturday, she missed him. But if all of her friends and family are saying the same thing: that he's not the right one, can we be wrong? Maybe. See, the thing is, as much as I might not like this guy, I don't want to dismiss her happiness. I'm too wishy-washy...they would never like me in Washington. At any rate, I'm concerned about her and only want the best for her. Any suggestions for supporting her or helping/making her break it off?
On a more serious note:
How do you convince a good friend that she's not supposed to be with the guy she's with? Does she have to come to this conclusion herself? How do you convince her that she deserves so much better; that there really is that someone better out there?
One of my good friends has been in relationship that's been drama from the beginning and this is two and a half years later. Granted, it's not all drama, but there's enough. Saturday, my friend came to the conclusion that her boy is an asshole. I've never really liked him. I've wanted to, for her sake, but to be truly honest, I never really have. He doesn't take any interest in the things or people she loves. Everything they do is on his terms, it seems. These are things that I've thought from the beginning of their relationship and they've only strengthened over time. He's given her a promise ring and she's recently told me she wants to be married within a year. In a way, she loves him, but is confused, and, I know on some level, she knows he doesn't treat her as well as she should be treated.
On Saturday, I tried to explain to her some of the things I've thought and remind her of examples of times he's treated her like dirt. Have I waited to long to do this? It's been two and a half years and now, all of a sudden, I'm coming out with it. She's sort of rebellious...hearing me and others say he really is a scumbag only makes her see the good things in him and want to be with him. By the time we were done talking Saturday, she missed him. But if all of her friends and family are saying the same thing: that he's not the right one, can we be wrong? Maybe. See, the thing is, as much as I might not like this guy, I don't want to dismiss her happiness. I'm too wishy-washy...they would never like me in Washington. At any rate, I'm concerned about her and only want the best for her. Any suggestions for supporting her or helping/making her break it off?
posted by basily22 @ 6:52 PM
3 Comments:
At 4/13/2006 12:12 AM,
Rich said…
It is a terrible tragedy to end up with someone who doesn't love you, respect you, or treat you well. With that said - you can't live your friend's life for her.
Be honest, be forthright, and be there for her when and if things fall apart.
Happy Easter.
At 4/14/2006 11:21 AM,
basily22 said…
Thanks for you advice, Rich. I have an odd relationship with this friend, I guess...I've always struggled with the line between being a distant friend and being an annoyingingly concerned? friend.
At 4/20/2006 11:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
Been there, done that ... you really just have to let them discover on their own what a scumbag their guy is. They will just get all defensive, mad at you and going running to the creep if you say anything bad about him.
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