seriously...

So, I have a jealousy complex. And it's getting out of hand. Especially when I'm inebriated.

Here's what usually happens: I or one of my other friends declares a girls night out. Fantastic...usually just what I need. We go to a bar or a club and proceed to soup ourselves up. Inevitably, some one spots an interesting group of guys to approach or an interesting group of guys approaches us and people get to talking. Now, I'm kind of a sit back and watch type of person...I like to let people talk and I'll interject a question when I think of one. The two friends that I most often go out and about with are very outgoing personalities, so (even though they're both attached) they aren't afraid to pepper new people with questions and do and say things to garner attention. So, they get attention. Okay, fair enough because they're going after it. But still, I almost always manage to get frustrated because I feel left out (my fault) or they're hogging all the attention, etc., etc. Then, usually on the way home, some kind of word vomit comes out of my mouth to the effect of, "You guys are so HOT, of course you get lots of attention." Which immediately sets off their fireworks about "what are you talking about" and "if you just had more confidence" blah, blah, blah. And I end up getting a HUGE lecture from one friend every time about how I need to change. And I try to explain to her that I don't really want to change, I mostly like the way I am and don't want to become somebody I'm not just to have an arm to hang on to for an evening. !!!!!!

So, I guess, in the end, I do wish my personality was more like theirs?? At the same time, I absolutely don't. When I first was contemplating this, I just wished I could stop the crap that comes out of my mouth on nights like those so I could avoid the lecture, but still pout (which I felt justified in doing...they're attached, I'm not, yet they get all the fun). But jealousy is an ugly emotion...I love these girls. Perhaps I just need to change my focus and make a point to enjoy myself no matter the circumstances...if something interesting happens, then it does. I can't really be mad at them for something I'm doing to myself. I don't particularly know how to change it right now, but I can at least adapt. Any suggestions?